The math professor just accepted a new position at a university in anotherĬity and has to move. Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components. The girl replies: "No - it's a cosin, silly!!!"
The boy says: "It's a sin for those people to keep us waiting like this!" They are in line to ride the ferris wheel when it shuts down. Two math students, a boy and his girlfriend, are going to a fair. Q: What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean? Q: What is a mathematician's pick when faced with the choice between poutine and eternal bliss in the afterlife?Ī: Poutine! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and poutine is better than nothing. Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?Ī: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin. Trigonometry for farmers: swine and coswine. Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? "Well - 18 by that fire in your eyes, 19 by that glow on your cheeks, 20 by that radiance of your face, and adding that up is something you can probably do for yourself."Ī: When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3. "How old, do you think, am I?" she asks coyly. The apprentice: "But that makes four thirds already!"Ī woman in a bar tries to pick up a mathematician. The chef instructs his apprentice: "You take two thirds of water, one third of cream, one third of broth." Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose? "No wonder! He's into scientific computing - and she's incalculable!"Ī: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any >0!" "That math prof's marriage is falling apart!" "Come on - the correct answer can either be 62 or 65!" He gets several answers - all are either 62 or 65.
The math teacher asks his students: "What is 9 times 7?" Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? "When you called a function f, I called it g when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y and when you were writing about the log of Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying.Īfter the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?" His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on." The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but alsoīecause he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting. The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air forĪ math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total
"Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours." The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine."Ī few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"Ī mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?" Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insistĪ: Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem! Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?Ī: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its "I understand", says the bartender - and pours two pints.Ī: When they realized that Serge Lang was a single person. The first one orders a pint, the second one a half pint, the third one a quarter pint. I haven't invented these jokes - I just collect them.Īn infinite crowd of mathematicians enters a bar.
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